All Was Well
My name is Jori and I am 17. I always feel pretentious writing these so I'm going to stop now and let you figure out the rest.
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People always make Juliet out to be dumb in Romeo and Juliet, but I think she at least had some sense where Romeo didn't have much of any

  • Romeo: I was thinking about this chick earlier who I said I was in love with but now I love that girl over there that is very likely to either belong to my family's enemy or be close with my family's enemy as it is their party I am crashing
  • Juliet: I do not like being so young and forced into a relationship with an older man, but oh there's a cute guy more my age over there. And since he's here he must have been invited and is there for a reasonable love match for myself
  • --
  • Romeo: We should kiss right now at this party
  • Juliet: No that is a super dumb idea
  • Romeo: *kisses her anyway*
  • Juliet: That was dumb of you
  • --
  • Romeo: We should get married right now
  • Juliet: We don't know each other. Shouldn't we wait until at least a little time has passed?
  • Romeo: Like tomorrow?
  • Juliet: Sure, fine.
  • --
  • Juliet: We're married now, so we have to try and make things better between our families.
  • Romeo: Right.
  • Romeo: It seems I have killed your cousin and am now exiled.
  • --
  • Juliet: Ok so since Romeo fucked up I'm gonna fix this shit by taking a harmless sleeping liquid. He'll come and get me and we can go away together.
  • Romeo: *immediately kills himself*
  • Juliet: For fucks sake.

ohhowlucky:

danteogodofsoup:

killbenedictcumberbatch:

standupcomedyblog:

John Mulaney | The Salt & Pepper Diner

THE BEST JOKE IN EXISTENCE

GOD I JUST TOLD SOMEONE ABOUT THIS STORY

This is one of the best pieces of comedy that I have ever had the pleasure of witnessing. I love this. I have been looking for this online for awhile.

(Source: timetoputonashow)

tchuess:

"bout to ding dong ditch sam pepper"

(Source: halfstoned)

sabrielshipping-charliebartlett:

"We’re preparing you for the real world"

I don’t meant to alarm you but

the real world has calculators

(Source: sabriel-palmer)

(Source: ruinedchildhood)

(Source: rosetylered)

save-the-cheerleader:

in study period today a guy sitting next to me was reading mockingjay and he kinda just whispered what the fuck to himself

and then again, a lil more angrily, what the fUCK

And he flicked back about seven or so pages and then went back to his spot and went ‘no’

and I know exactly which fuckin part he was reading lemme tell u

disappointingpopsiclejokes:

Disappointing Popsicle Jokes

disappointingpopsiclejokes:

Disappointing Popsicle Jokes

hey-rogby:

worship her